Each summer for 20 years my wonderful parents took me to the same CFO Christian camp, for the last two years I was in the Dwelling Place Internship Program, and now I am living in Thessaloniki, Greece working in a sister church of Dwelling Place.  I am finally beginning to grasp the truth of my Father’s heart.

About a month ago, Amy French (my roommate and friend from DP) and I were working alongside Rick in counseling sessions, retreats, and church services.  It seemed every meeting, no matter what he was speaking about, came down to the same question: what is the heart of the Father for us? One night, as he spoke on the subject of the Law, God began bringing massive revelation to my life.

As I said, every year from age 1 to 21 I attended the same CFO Christian camp.  This camp played a huge role in my life.  Each year I learned about God and how His presence is more satisfying and more captivating then anything else I had ever encountered.  I met not only Rick and Paula there but tons of other people who have been spiritual fathers and mothers to me over the years.

But something has really troubled me over the last few years about youth camps and retreats.  Every year I would go to this camp and I would leave on fire for the Lord, with vision, with hope.  I would leave thinking I would see victory, and each year I would fall harder than the one before. Throughout the last few years when we would speak at youth retreats or when I would go back to CFO, I wondered what I was missing that kept me from actually being able to walk out what I had learned. With revelation, and lots of help from Rick’s teachings, here is what I have come up with.

I would come home from camp or retreats in pure survival mode. My heart was awakened again to the love of God, and I was willing to do anything to keep it.  For me the obvious way to maintain my relationship with Him was to keep from sinning . So I would place law over myself.  I would make vows I had no business making. “I won’t drink any more, I won’t date anymore, I won’t smoke anymore, I’ll go to church, and surely I will make it”…wrong wrong wrong! The minute I screwed up I received so much condemnation! Satan would come at me with lies that I hadn’t actually changed, that God was disappointed in me, that I was a failure. So, I would fall even deeper into sin than the previous time.

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me, and delivered Himself up for me. I do not nullify the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly” (Galatians 2:20-21). The word grace literally means a level we can’t attain on our own. When we place law on ourselves we are saying that God’s grace is not enough. We are cutting ourselves off from the very thing that God has given us to take us out of the sin: grace.

In fact, Galatians 3:10 says, “For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, ‘Cursed is everyone who does not abide by all things written in the book of the law, to perform them.’” It goes on to say in 3:13 that Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law.

I thought the answer to my problems was law; I was so focused on not sinning that what I didn’t wish to do, I did. I was staring at the fruit (the sin) instead of my Heavenly Father. “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18). Instead of spending time with the Lord, learning who He was, what He said about me, how He called me His daughter, I was stuck performing. And, as Paula said to me once, we can only perform for so long.

I think it is the heart of our Father for us to move out from law and into relationship. He doesn’t need our vows or our promises. He just wants our hearts. The more I know who He is and how much he loves me, the less I desire the things of this world. They don’t satisfy the way He satisfies.  He comes and He brings life and good gifts, and He comes with promises for us to stand on! And His promises will never be shaken.

I am not insinuating that we should stay in our sin. If we have strongholds, flesh patterns or sin in our life, we need to find the root and prayerfully deal with it. I’m just saying that God has come with grace and mercy, and that is what we need. That is what I need in order to be changed. Even now as I’m writing this I can hear Him saying, “I love you.” Satan comes to accuse us, placing condemnation and shame knowing this will keep us from Him. But God comes with hope and with faith. He comes to redeem the unredeemable. He comes not seeing us in our sin, but seeing our heart and where we are going.

In what areas of your life are you living under law and not grace? Take a few minutes to pray for revelation of how you can step out of law and move into grace in those areas.

Jessica Alger is 22 years old and a former DPI Ministries Intern and dance leader at Dwelling Place Christian Fellowship NRV. She moved to Thessaloniki, Greece in September ‘08 to work alongside the people of the Church as it begins to grow.

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